Should I go for arranged marriage or choose someone on my own?

I have conflicting thoughts in mind  whether I should say ‘yes’ for arrange marriage or I should seek a partner by myself. My mind has turned into a battlefield where relatives are supplying the ammunition to my parents and they are launching a missile to get me married and settled. For them, life without marriage has no value. It is a matter of their self respect. Sometimes I do wonder whether the person’s deeds, good will, helping nature makes him or her respectable or the marriage of their children makes the foundation of respect in the society.

So, what happens to those parents when they come to know that their kids need a divorce from their ‘married-hell’ life? Do they suffer badly in terms of respect? Whether they should stay quite even knowing that their children are suffering in that bond just because ‘respect’ will ruin. In India many parents do this and end results are suicides and murders.

Often, after you cross the marriageable age, your parents become your worst enemy. In order to get you married, they follow the tips and tricks of blackmailing to threats of suicides and depression. They use each and every tool to screw up your happiness because they think they are doing it for your happiness, your good life and everything that makes you happy.

Let me share some personal experience:

After my friend‘s brother reached the age of 30, his family was worried and the he was also showing signs of desperation as everyone around him was getting married.  His friends and classmates had not only gotten married, they had also started to have kids. And he was standing alone and feeling miserable among the other couples. So his family found an educated girl. However, they preferred the educated girl to stay at home. This resulted in conflicts from the first day, however, both the parties wanted to get rid of the responsibility. Within three months they filed for divorce. Now they are separated and the guy’s family is searching for a new bride.

In this case, the family of the boy is just a simple middle-class family and the guy is workaholic. Any homely simple sweet girl could manage to stay in the family. Remember we have plenty of them. However, if you decide to kill someone’s ambitions or wants to change them, a disaster is inevitable.

In another case, a girl approaching 28 got married to the guy she didn’t like. She said ‘yes’ only because he was earning in hundreds of thousands and had properties in the metro city. She wasn’t really forced but her parents asked what is lacking in the guy apart from looks and the girl didn’t have anything to say. The problem arose from in-laws side. The girl was treated like an alien at her new place; arguments and tensions became more common. The girl’s family told her to adjust and adjust. She did and now things were either sorted or compromised. The guy and girl both are happy together. The rifts are due to the guy’s extended family side where everyone has an opinion on adjustment. After two years of marriage, the new issue was ‘kid’. The girl wanted a child so that she could focus only on the new member and get free from tensions. Strange isn’t it?

Even if we get married there any guarantee of success. We feel that we don’t even know ourselves that well then how could we even understand a stranger in few meetings or no meetings at all and decide about spending whole life together. What if we select someone on our own? We all have bitter experience among our friends or ex that you can’t even trust a person even after years. This makes even self-selection seem like a bad idea.

In the end whether we should say ‘I DO OR I DON’T’ is still a perplex situation. Questions are still unanswered how, why, when, where; may be time will only tell.

– By Preeti Rawat

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